Hospice

Friday, May 7th Gator woke up with a bad pain in his back.  He told me he felt like he was sliding into home plate and it was time to call hospice.  He couldn't get up out of bed bacause his back hurt so bad so I had to call 911 and they took him to St. Petes in Oly.  When we first got there the ER Dr. said that he couldn't get morphine because he hadn't been on a regular dose of Oxycodone yet and they had to do that first.  I told him I was sure that Gator's oncologist said that whenever he was ready to go to morphine just let him no but the Dr. wouldn't budge.  Then after doping Gator up on diladid and oxycodone (not to mention the hydrocodone and Lorazapan he took at home!) they were going to release him!  I couldn't believe it.  They brought in a wheel chair to take him out to our van in....even though he was so doped up we couldn't get him to respond!  I told the nurse that there was no way we could take him home like that and that I wanted them to admit him .....so they eventually did.  Hospice couldn't come until Monday so they said they would keep him until then.  The attending Doctor came in to talk to me and said that he was going to start Gator on morphine!  I about lost it.  Not that I was against it, just that the other doctor was so against it!  Anyway, I'll write more about the stay in the hospital later......we are home now and Gator is really out of it.  He doesn't make alot of sense.  I'm pretty sure it's the cancer in his brain because he get's really bad sometimes even when he hasn't had much pain meds.  He was also saying some strange things before we even went in the hospital and at that point he was only taking 2 hydrocodones in the morning and two at night.  He can't get out of bed at all now......his legs don't want to hold him up.  It looks to me like its from whats going on in his brain and not pain meds.  It's very sad...breaking my heart.  He tries to get up sometimes and throws the covers back like he's going to jump up and then realizes he can't.  He just lays there mumbleing to somebody and sometimes motions with his hands like he's picking up things or reaching for the sky.  I have him in a hospital bed in front of our sliding glass doors where he can look outside.  I moved the TV to the foot of his bed and I sleep in a chair by his bed.  We've had a lot of visitors, hospice comes in for about an hour to check on him but I'm not leaving him with some stranger.  He still cracks jokes every once in a while....usually he just seems so sad and confused.  I miss my Gator man so much.......STUPID CANCER
I'll write more later